I wonder…..if anyone’s waiting…

Raise your hand if you’re waiting for a new post in this humble blog of mine? Anyone? Calling one, calling two…..Oh well! Let me just pretend as if there are some people out there who eagerly wait for a new post from me.

Sorry for the long silence. Sent my laptop for repair and it took the service centre almost two weeks just to replace the fan and keyboard! And that cost me RM800!! But because the laptop doesn’t belong to me but it’s my company’s property, so I got my company to pay for the repair…but of course! Phew!

Wow! It’s been a month since we entered the 2^nd half of 2010! How time flies…even when you are NOT having fun! Nah! The 1^st half was not all that bad for me.

So, what have I achieved? What have I failed? What were the happy, sad or significant moments in the 1^st half of 2010 for me? Lemme see…..

Well, I think I shall blog about in my next post. I gotta make sure everything is on track in the office as I’ll be going off for a much needed vacation tomorrow. Yippee Yay Yeay! I’ll be off to Bali for my annual ‘pilgrimage’! I promise…if I can’t be GOOD, I’ll be SAFE! :)

I wonder...if you would still wait for a new post from me. Well, 'till then….Daa!

I wonder…..if I would own…

"I attract to my life whatever I give my energy, focus and attention to, whether wanted or unwanted”. For those who don’t know, that is - Law of Attraction. In simple words – like attracts like. Good thoughts and feelings attract what you want in life, bad ones attract what you don’t want in life. So, simply put, positive attracts positive. Negative attracts negative. Focus on abundance rather than on lack. Be an optimist, not pessimist. "We all have desires and the more strongly we believe in our desire and visualize it, the faster it will become a reality in our life." So, that’s Law of Attraction in a nutshell.

So, since I have no life and lately I’ve been spending most of my time staring at my own blog, reading each and every post over and over again and probably that might have contributed to the increase of hits for my blog (how pathetic!), I thought, why don’t I put the visuals of some of my ‘desires’ here and apply the Law of Attraction. Well, truth be told, I never read a single book on Law of Attraction and I never finished reading The Secret but I do know (so I think!) the basic principles of the Law of Attraction. So, just for the fun of it…I’ll just put the visual of one of my desires or dreams in my blog, I will stare at it and use the ‘unknown’ superpower that I may have in me, transmit the good vibe and…..Well! Who knows, right? Dreams do come true and miracle does happen...

Ok, here goes. It has to be a positive affirmation… “I have a nice car coming to me.”

Law of Attraction says “….abundance and not the lack of it.” Okay, this one, perhaps?

Oh wait! I should dream bigger dreams……I don't mind this one...

Nah! This one would do...

So greedy, eh? And I might have gotten the principles of Law of Attraction all wrong already. Oh well! Whatever! This is my dream. And it's okay to dream big. And as we all know, to realise a dream, it takes patience and perseverance.

I wonder…if I would ever own the car (any of it). Oh wait! That’s not a positive affirmation. Lemme rephrase it. The car is coming my way. One day! InsyaAllah! In the meantime, I shall appreciate the l'il old junk I have now as it can still take me from Point A to Point B.

I wonder…..if I would collapse and die…

The much anticipated Standard Chartered KL Marathon 2010 (SCKLM) took place last Sunday (June 27). Geez! That’s almost one week ago. Okay, okay, sorry I took my own sweet time to blog about it. As if anyone’s waiting, eh?

So, how did I do? Did I complete the race? Was I as kiasu as the Larian Go Green race? Well, continue reading…

Prior to the SCKLM, for three weeks straight, I went for my yoga class every Monday and Wednesday and ran for 4 - 5 loops around TTDI Park every Tuesday and Thursday. Without fail! I also controlled my eating. So, the sudden change in my ‘lifestyle’ was not because I was training and preparing myself for the SCKLM. The only training that I had for it was probably the 7.5 km run in the Larian Go Green the week before. I just had to inject the-3-weeks-straight-yoga-run thingy here so that you would go, “Fuiyoo! So fit!”. But the truth is nowadays my social life is as good as non-existent! I have nothing better to do, so I exercise. How pathetic, huh? I did lose 2kgs, by the way. Ehem! Anyways…

Reality only hit me when I went to collect the race pack that Friday at Stadium Titiwangsa. When I saw so many booths especially for the category that I signed up for, the 10km (10 booths for 10km alone) I was like, “OoooO shit! What have I gotten myself into?!” I collected the race packs for J and myself without any problem. And thanks to MZ for accompanying me or else I would be cursing trying to look for the place. I took a look in the sling bag given, there's:

• a personalized race bib - I had my name on it (don’t play-play!) & my emergency contact details behind the bib;
• timing device - I didn't know what it was at first. Thought it was just a sticker with no particular function! (See picture below) That's how the D-Tag was attached. Don't ask me how it works!;
• runner's vest - Hah! Finally I can don one when running at the park err…. you know, just to show off;
• Runner's Guide Book - contained all the useful info; and
• a 30% discount voucher from New Balance - Like I have the dosh to get a new pair of running shoes!.

Wah! I felt like a champion already! Eheh!

So, what was my goal for this BIG race? I didn’t have any except… to complete the 10km and hoped that I'd still live to tell the tale! As it would be my first time running 10km, I didn’t have (please allow the kiasu me to use the running jargon here) my PB (personal best) or PR (personal record) to beat or anyone else’s PR/PB that I could use as benchmark. The 45 minutes for the 7.5km I did in Larian Go Green? Nah! That wasn’t the official time as no timing device was used.

Fast forward to the BIG Race day…

I woke up at 4am that morning. Woke up?! I did NOT sleep AT ALL!! Not for a single minute! Tried but failed miserably! Maybe I was too tired considering I had a packed Saturday (from a wedding reception to a pool party to a showcase). Maybe I was too anxious or excited or nervous about the BIG race. Or…maybe I was just scared to fall asleep and not hear the alarm clock and would miss the race?! That would be damn chialat!

The original plan was to get our asses to Dataran Merdeka (Square) by 5am to beat the crowd and grab a parking spot at Padang Merbok but we only left J’s house at 5am!! It was drizzling but as we got into NKVE, the drizzle became rain! It was pouring cats and dogs! The organizer must have forgotten to hire the ‘bomoh hujan’! Pity the full marathoners who were flagged off at 5am. K, was one of them. They must be soaking wet and cold, I thought.

We got to town around 5.30am. By then, the rain has stopped. Perfect weather for running! Didn’t get to park at Padang Merbok but managed to park illegally near Bukit Aman. Ah! Like the cops would give a damn! We had to walk about 15 – 20 minutes to Dataran Merdeka! A good warm-up, that was.

I was amazed with the amount of people at Dataran Merdeka! Probably 1.2% out of Kuala Lumpur population was there. Okay, maybe I exaggerated a bit there but really…there were so many people in the wee hours of that Sunday morning! 17,500 entries, I heard the announcer said over the PA system. That’s just the runners alone! But surprisingly, there weren’t many familiar faces around. Of course most of my friends were nicely drooling away in Lalaland!

Since the 10km runners would only be flagged off at 7am, J and I had slightly more than an hour to kill. The two ‘rookies’ weren’t really sure what to do. Should we start doing our warm-ups already? That would be too early and too kiasu! So, we just walked around looking for…freebies. Sakai! J felt so inferior every time he came across runners with the green bibs, the half marathoners. Luckily, those with blue bibs, the full marathoners had gone off for their 42km race or else J probably would have gone home instead of running the 10km! Just kidding! But, let me tell you. This guy’s kiasu-ism is worst than mine, okay!

So, what freebies did we manage to get? First, we got our noses stuck with those nasal strips. Wait a minute! Isn’t that thing for reducing snoring? Apparently, runners also wear it for easy breathing when running. As much as we wanted to look like serious runners but we looked too stupid wearing it, so we took it off. Then, we got the PowerBar Energy Bar. I didn’t like it, tho’. Taste like a sweet rubber to me. Yucks! We found nothing else. No van giving free Milo. No Chinese women from China offering free reflexology. No clowns giving away balloons. Eh!

The race for half-marathoners was flagged off at 6.15am. So, the 10km runners had another 45 minutes to go. J the Uncle was already feeling restless. I was feeling sleepy. Some 10km runners around us had already started doing some warm-ups. I was just standing….and staring into space. J the Uncle was sitting on the pavement and then suddenly…he got attacked by the thing which I kept warning him about for days – tummy ache! Alamak! Fail betul la, unkel ni! I told him to go to the porta-potties which were just right behind him but probably he thinks his ass has a class of its own, so he refused. Then he said the tummy ache’s gone. Phew! FYI, this guy has a really bad case of a weak tummy. Anything that goes in will come out immediately. It must be the PowerBar he had earlier or the 3 servings of lamb he had at the wedding reception the day before!

At last, all the 10km runners gathered around the start line. 20 minutes before show time! J tried to drag me to line up at the front of the pack but I refused. (Told you his kiasu-ism is worst than mine, didn’t I?). We positioned ourselves somewhere in the middle. I looked around. Wow! So many people in the 10km category! Big, small, tall, short, fat, thin, young, old, pretty, handsome, so-so, ugly, black, white, yellow! Macam-macam ada! (I found out after the race that there were about 7,500 runners for 10km alone!) J the Uncle put on his headphone and started doing his infamous cucuk langit + munchung fengtau dance moves. I got bored waiting. I was getting sleepy. So I just stood still with my eyes closed. An attempt to have a power nap...standing!

Then…..7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2…..and off we went……Just like Mat Rempits illegally racing at Dataran Merdeka on Saturday night! The only difference, we were on foot! Everybody was trying to overtake everybody. It wasn’t easy to run at first, with the hordes of runners. You gotta arrange your steps properly so that you wouldn’t ‘knock down’ anyone in front of you or pounce into a puddle. Imagine you were a Mat Rempit riding a bike without the side mirrors. You gotta turn your head behind to see if it’s clear and safe before changing lane or overtaking (errr...as if a Mat Rempit would really give a damn!). Hundreds of runners were passing me left, right, center! It was insane! I heard J was shouting,“Kiasu, siot! Kiasunya!” I responded,“Ah Ah! Kiasu! Gila kiasu!”. The brief conversation between two kiasu buddies!

Some runners started to walk after the 1st kilometer or so. “Already? Good!”, said the kiasu me to my kiasu self. J and I kept on running, passed the KTM on our left, then passed the National Museum on our right. Wow! We were running in the middle of the normally busy Jalan Travers but this time there were no cars, no motorbikes! Just human traffic jam! After we passed KL Central, just as we entered Jalan Tun Sambathan, J told me that he really needed to make a detour to the….toilet! Aiseyman! He couldn’t take it anymore. Kiasu J became Kancheong J! He told me to go ahead and he would catch up with me. Then he zoomed off to the nearest mamak restaurant to do the big business!

I continued running. I saw a girl running…barefooted (not sure if I should be impressed or feel sorry for her), saw another girl looking like a real athlete but running carrying a backpack (later I found out that it was actually my close friend, Z and the backpack was actually a hydration bag!), saw a MILF running while pushing her kid in a stroller (supercool!), a guy running wearing pants and shirt (what the…!), an aunty running wearing loud colour top and bottom with loud hair colour to boot (Go, Aunty!), I saw all sort of people. No, my kiasu-ness didn’t kick in. I didn’t make anyone as the ‘target’ to overtake. I was too thirsty. I didn’t hydrate myself enough before the run because I was afraid that I would make a few porta-potties stops in the middle of my run. Stupid, I know!

I didn't notice any distance marker along the route we had taken. Was there any? Or did I miss it because I was running with my eyes on the ground most of the time? So, I didn’t know how far or how long I had been running until I saw the first water station on Jalan Syed Putra. If I remembered correctly, in the Runner’s Guide Book it says that the water station would be available at the Start & Finish area and then every 2km after the first 4km. So, this was the first station and... "What?! It's only 4km!?" It sure felt I had run longer than that! Another 6.383km to go! Haih! (FYI, the official distance for the 10km category was 10.383km). As it was the first water station and after running for 4km, you can bet, most of the runners were drained out. Manners aside, everyone was grabbing the drinks like a bunch of piranhas! My head got elbowed a few times. The price I have to pay for being short! Learning from my experience in Larian Go Green race, to avoid getting choked on water, I should walk and drink. So, I did. It wasn't water but it was 100 Plus. Nice but a warm one, ‘tho! Then I started running again. At a slow and steady pace.

It was at the bridge or flyover or whatever you call it at Jalan Sultan Sulaiman that J caught up with me. I was surprised and amazed at the same time that he could locate me among those thousands of runners! But then again, J is the kind of guy with wandering eyes, even while running. So, maybe he saw an opportunity to woo a cute girl who was running all by herself but only to find out that it was his BFF….yours truly! Ahaks! We continued running towards Lake Gardens. Here, I took a few walking breaks. J tried to chat with me but I had to shut him up a few times. One - he was shouting because he couldn’t hear how loud his own voice was because the music on his headphone was at maximum volume and Two - I do not like to chat while running because I feel it takes up my energy.

On Jalan Parlimen, we saw the second water station. 2km after the first station. We were at our 6km mark now. J told me to not grab the drinks from the front of the station but from the middle or the end of the table to avoid the crowd. He was right. I managed to grab two cups this time. Then we saw the sight of our big Malaysian flag at Dataran Merdeka. We're not that far from the finish line, so we thought. Woo hoo! But little did we know, we had to run on a long stretch of Jalan Raja Laut and make a turning to another long stretch of Jalan TAR and then run towards the finish line at Dataran Merdeka!

It was on Jalan Raja Laut when J decided to live up to SCKLM’s slogan for 2010 – “Run As One”. Maybe my pace was too slow for him to keep up with (mentang-mentang perut dah ringan!) or probably he found me to be such a bore because I refused to chat with him. Nah! He’s just plain kiasu! So, without pre-empting me, he ran off and left me to run on my own…once again!

I decided to just walk on Jalan Raja Laut to save whatever energy I had left to run again when I get on Jalan TAR. But I felt like I was wasting too much time just by walking. So I walked-ran-walked-ran, like an indecisive mofo! I was walking beside a cute looking gwai-lo (mat salleh) and I was so tempted to ask for his number. Nah! Kidding! I was so tempted to ask him for the time. But then again, I thought to myself, what difference would make if I knew the time, anyway? It’s not as if I had a PR to break. So, I didn’t ask him.

I assumed the turning to Jalan TAR would be the road near Sogo, but my assumption was wrong. It was a little bit further, at the small road between MARA and Pertama Complex. Thank God! Luckily the turning was not near the traffic lights intersections near Sime Darby or else I'd die!

As planned, I started running as soon as I was on Jalan TAR. I wanted to quicken my pace but I was too drained. I did manage to run pass the barefooted girl I saw earlier. I kept on running but slow. Too slow, indeed. I ran as far as my short legs could take me until I felt a piercing pain in my chest, like the one I had in Larian Go Green. This time it was more painful. I tried to make the pain go away by breathing deeply and slowly and rubbing my chest at the same time. There were a few photographers snapping random pictures on each side of the pavement. I just hope they didn’t snap any picture of me rubbing my chest because it would sure look as if I was fondling my titties!

And then I saw the ‘Start’/’Finish’ arch. “This is it!” I ignored the pain and I started running again. I imagined as if I was in a movie. You know, the kind of movie where the runner couldn’t go on anymore but suddenly rose to the occasion because she was motivated by the support and cheering of the crowd? Hah! That kinda movie! Well, actually I had no one cheering for me but have you forgotten what I mentioned earlier? I imagined as if I was in a movie! I ran pass the aunty with loud hair colour (Well, hello again! Oops...Goodbye!), ran pass a familiar face I saw a few times at the TTDI park, I ran pass so many runners, squeezing my way through and pushing my limits to cross the finish line! And....I...finally...crossed it!

Yes!! Yes!! I did it! I did it! I've completed my first ever 10km race! *Clap*Clap*. Time? I didn’t bother looking up to look at the time displayed. The feeling? I couldn’t really describe how I felt but I knew that greatest sense of satisfaction for completing the 10km was there!

I managed to find J who finished ahead of me (of course!) near the third and last water station which was situated after the finish line! (I thought a big race like that would provide more than three water stations!) J and I then proceeded to get our finishers’ medals. Both of us were grinning from ear to ear. We did it! We hung around for a bit, just to enjoy the moment. Most of the runners were seen taking pictures with their medals including J and I! After tweeting and facebooking about our achievements, we left Dataran Merdeka for nasi berlauk in Ampang. I then went home and slept throughout that day…smiling!

A couple of days after the race, our results were out on the website. My rank was 825; Gun time: 1:24:03; Net time: 1:22:56. All results and rankings are based on the Gun Time. 825 out of 3,212 runners (veterans included) in the Women Open – 10km category! Not bad, eh? Yesterday, I found out that my new rank, after the veterans have been segregated, is 545 out of x,xxx runners. The organizer did not provide the total number of runners in each category. What’s the point of knowing your rank if you don’t have that important piece of info, right? I’m still trying to dig some info somewhere. I’ll keep you updated. That aside, I guess, 10km may not be a big deal to some but it was to me. It was a challenge I set for myself and I think I did quite well and I'm proud of myself. *pat self on back*

In case you are wondering, how did J do? Rank: 1341; Gun Time: 1:21:52; Net Time: 1:20:45. Not bad but he could have had a better PR/PB if he didn’t take that 7 minutes loo break. (Yes, he actually timed himself!). Oh! On top of the Finisher's Medals we received, the Finisher's Certificates will also be posted to us. Cool, eh? Should I get it framed, then? Eheh!

So, what’s next for me? Half-marathon? Nah! I don’t think I’m ready for that. And I am not that ambitious. But I think I have the running bug now. The next running race for me will be the Siemens Run 2010 for the 10km category on July 18. A bit competitive race that will be as I'll be running together with six other friends. Nah! My only goal for that race is - to beat my PR/PB of 1:22:56. But of course!

Lessons Learnt from this race:

1. Do not go out the night before the race;
2. Rest well/Get enough sleep;
3. Drink plenty of water the day before the race;
4. Bring along hand sanitizer - when I run I always feel as if my hands are dirty (weirdo! Or is it a new OCD?);
5. Bring an iPod if running with (only) J (*peace*, J!);
6. Pin my bib properly (my hand kept getting caught between the bib & my vest when running); and
7. Must remember to smile and close my mouth when running towards the finish line so that the photos taken by random photographers will not turn out... like this……

BOOHOO!

When I had that piercing pain in my chest, I wondered…if I would collapse and die. Thank God, I did not. But it wasn’t so lucky for another 10km runner. Lim Ji Wei, aged 25. He collapsed just 2km away (I think) from completing the race and he was declared to have died of cardiac arrest. My heart goes out to his family. 25 is such a young age to die. God gives life and only He can take it away anytime, anywhere even when one was doing a (supposedly) healthy activity like running!

I wonder…..if it was the right attitude…

I thought the Standard Chartered KL Marathon 2010 (SCKLM) which will take place this Sunday (June 27) would be my very first (and only?) running race but no...because last Saturday I took part in Larian Go Green for 7.5km distance organized by MKLand. That turned out to be my first ever running race!

K, AL and I came to know about this Larian Go Green by chance when we were resting after doing our weekly 20 loops (lie!) run at TTDI Park. “Nah, bakar lemak tu!” was what the abang said when he handed us the forms. Grrrr! So anyway, I was thinking...this would be a good training for me for my 10km SCKLM, it’s not a 'serious' but a ‘fun run’ race and the registration fee was only RM15, so…why not! I set a goal for this - to complete the race regardless of how long it would take me to do so.

The night before the race, I told myself I must get enough sleep. But I was tossing and turning maybe until half 3 and the next thing I knew the alarm went off at 5.45am. After the 2nd snooze button, I finally got up at 6.15am. Tummy didn’t feel so good. Oh no! I got attacked by the ‘Japanese’! What a bloody experience! ‘F#*k!’ My 1st curse word of the day! Should I back out? I decided not to. So, I showered, got dressed and made myself a cuppa. I didn’t eat any breakfast because I didn’t want to have a stomach ache later. Having cramps was already bad enough. But you can bet, my tummy was growling then.

I reached Damansara Perdana about 7am and met up with K and AL. The first thing I told AL, “After the race, let’s have roti canai!” Eheh! I changed into my oversized race t-shirt. I wasn’t sure if I could run comfortably wearing a baggy t-shirt but for the spirit of the Larian Go Green, what the heck! We were supposed to meet up with another two friends, N and AZ but after 15 minutes of waiting, we decided to hop on the shuttle bus that took us to the start line to join hundreds (around 250 - 300, maybe) other runners.

There were some ‘hard-core’ runners with their serious looking compression pants and/or tops and some were wearing the runners’ singlets from races or marathons that they had participated in. And then there were ‘just-for-the-fun-of-it’ runners, obligingly wearing the official Larian Go Green race t-shirts, like yours truly. And Oh! There were also a few African runners that would make you think, “That’s it! There goes my chance!” But regardless of who and what, the atmosphere was exciting.

N and AZ finally appeared and joined us, just in time to do the warm-ups. Music was blasting on the loudspeakers. They even played the Wonder Girls’ “Nobodi…nobodi..but chu” song to hype up the mood! A girl on loud hailer led the runners with warm-ups exercises. Some followed and some thought they were way too cool to follow (and I was one of them!) Quite an amusing sight that was! I imagined Aunt Ros was there in her red tee with that odious matching hairband, shaking her booty.... “Badan sihat, hati senang! 1Malaysia Sihat! Yo!” Oops!

Finally, the VIPs arrived. Speech was given, said our prayers, sang ‘Negaraku’ and at about 8.20am, the horns were blown. First, for the Women’s Veteran 6.5km, followed by for Men’s Veteran 6.5km, then for my category - Women’s Open 7.5km and lastly for Men’s Open 7.5km.

Some runners took off like crazy at the start. As I’m a newbie in running races and I have no professional training like William Hung would say, I wasn’t sure if taking off fast was the right technique but I knew I shouldn’t blow all my energy in the first few kilometres. Anyway, the first 500m (or was it 1km?) was going downhill, so, what’s the rush?

By the way, here’s a disclaimer: All distances or running time mention in this post are my own estimations. I don't accept any responsibility that may arise when the value reported here is incorrect. Also, I may or may not use the right running jargon. I’m a newbie. So, please excuse me!

Anyway, so AL and I ran at a steady pace for a good 1.5 km (could be less, could be more.) And then AL decided to walk for a bit. Chest pain, if I remember correctly was what she told me. She told me to go ahead. I just hoped that she would be alright. So, I continued running on my own until I reached the first water station.

“Wah! This is good! I’m not even that thirsty yet!” I took a quick sip, anyway, threw the paper cup to the ground and continued running. I felt like a pro already! Cheh! I think not even 1km ahead, there was another water station. I thought to myself, “Wow! Not bad! They have water stops every 1 km! I thought I heard it loud and clear this morning that the emcee said there would be three water stations? It must be more, then!” Well, whatever, it’s only my first race and I didn’t know what to expect, anyway. At the second water station, I realized, my running mentor, K, was not far behind me. Aiek! Suddenly I had the urge to compete and be ahead of him. My ‘kiasu’-ness kicked in! Muahhahaha! So, I took the paper cup and quickly gulped some water (and almost choked!), threw the cup like a seasoned runner once again and started to quicken my pace, giving no chance for K to catch up.

When I reached the main road in front of Metropolitan Square, I started to walk because it was going uphill. Here, I tried to stabilize my breathing...breathing deeply and slowly...the basic Yoga way (Like real!). As I reached the corner, I started to run again, going towards Flora Damansara, a landmark where we would turn back and head towards the finish line. Little did I know that it was one hell of a long road to reach the corner to turn back. I didn't want to push myself too hard, so I took a few walking breaks along the road.

I saw some runners running on the opposite road. They had made the turning. Damn! But those were the ‘real’ runners! You could tell from their outfits and their…err..err..legs. I struggled to keep up with the runners ahead of me. Quite a number of them were no longer running but walking. My kiasu-ness kicked in again. I started to look for ‘victims’ to overtake. And when I succeeded, I would smile to myself. Evil smile. And then a few meters ahead, I saw her! A small sized girl running wearing just Mary-Jane Crocs!!! (Mary-Jane or Malindi, whatever!) What the hell?!! Here I am running with proper running shoes and she’s not but she is ahead of me!!? This can’t be happening, I told myself. I quicken my pace, hoping I could run pass her but “Mary-Jane” was faster. Oh well!

I slowed down my pace and eventually started walking. I made the turning and was now on the trail towards the finish line. By now, the sun was glaring down. My mouth was getting dryer. I was effing thirsty! Water station was nowhere to be seen. I was cursing and cursing to myself, cursing the organizer for not being thoughtful enough to put the water stations every 1km! And then I saw “Mary-Jane” again. This time, she was walking with both hands on her hips. She was exhausted. Yes! My chance to run pass her had arrived. *Ting!* I turned on my kiasu mode! No, I didn’t dash like a mad woman but I ran slow and steady, hiding my own tiredness and moved by her, very swiftly. Well, I gotta do it in style! 100m apart, I let out a slow “Kah! Kah! Kah!”

Then I felt a piercing pain in my chest. I was so dehydrated. I started walking again and then there it was: the third and the last water station! Thank God! I think it was at the same place as the second water station or maybe the first. Yes, it was that far! A woman handed me a cup of water and I just had to be a bitch and said to her “Apasal jauh sangat?!” She just smiled. I didn’t expect to get an answer, anyway. I thanked her, nevertheless. I didn’t forget my manners despite how exhausted and upset I was.

I decided to just walk to enjoy every sip of the water. Heaven! I briefly chatted with a fellow runner and bitched about how far the last water station was. He totally agreed with me. And then he told me we were just about 200m away from the finish line. So, I told him, “Come! Let’s run then!” He told me to go ahead. I did. It sure felt longer than 200m to me. Then the same guy caught up with me. And towards the last 50m before the finish line, I brilliantly suggested to him, let’s sprint or (did I say let’s do the fartlek?) And we raced towards the finish line and we hi-fived immediately after we crossed it! Yippee Yay Yeay! I completed my first running race of 7.5km in (about) 45 minutes! I DID IT! *Clap*Clap*

Approximately 10 minutes later, K, arrived at the finish line. Wah! I actually beat my running mentor in my first ever running race! (Sorry, K, I had to mention it!) Now, where’s AL? I started to feel guilty for leaving her behind. Maybe she fainted or something, the thought was playing in my mind. 20 minutes later, I saw her at the finish line. Phew! Well done, sis! We then rewarded ourselves with a well-deserved breakfast at the mamak, together with N & AZ (who ‘disqualified’ themselves halfway through the race). And I had my roti canai. *Burp*

I wonder if being kiasu was the right attitude to have in a running race. I think I was just being kiasu to myself and not towards the other runners. I didn’t step on anyone’s foot (not literally). I set my personal aims (or targets!) and it was all about giving what I had to give in that moment and it did help me to work hard all the way to the finish line.

I wonder…if I would have the same attitude (and energy) for the race this Sunday. We shall see!

I wonder…..if you would leave me alone…

Dear You,

Why do you keep coming back to me? Why do you have to appear again and again in my life? Why come back whenever I try to look for a new love elsewhere? Why are you being selfish? Why are you being unfair? Why are you so cruel to me? You've left me and why do you want me back now?

When we were together, I gave you my undivided attention. I pampered you, I took care of you. I loved you for what you were. But all I got in return from you was pain. And I became numb with the pain because you kept on hurting me over and over again. I knew deep inside me, our love was not meant to be. And I know, you knew that, too. You can never be loyal. I have stayed with you for so long and I have forgiven your fooling around over the years.

Yes, I do miss you sometimes especially when I’m bored and lonely. I long for you. I try to look for you. I want to touch you. Caress you. Hold you. Squeeze you. But I try to refrain myself from going back to you because I know….I know I will get hurt again. You come and you go as you please. And when you leave, you will only leave ugly scars in my life. But all I want from you now is to leave me alone! Go, go look for other girls or guys, for all I care! Just leave me alone…..dear pimple!

Eheh! Did I make you wonder, my dear friends? Sorry! I was that bored!

I wonder…..if I die…

Sounds suicidal? Nah! It’s nothing like that.

A couple of days ago, I posed a question to some of my close friends – “If I asked you to describe me in one word, what would it be?” Yes, I only asked my close friends as they would say the sweetest honest things. If I asked any of my ex boyfriends or those I had worked under or who have worked under me, then that would be…errr..err…errr…a different story.

Anyway, allow me to analyze each answer I received. To potential boyfriend(s) out there, treat this as Lesson 101 on Suzie! Err…it can be a major turn off, too. Whatever!

• P says GreatHeart – Two words combined as one. I believe everybody has a good heart unless if he is a merciless psycho criminal mofo who beats up or kills or rapes another life, whether a human or an animal. Everyone is a good person until proven otherwise. Every religion teaches men to be good to others. I try to be good. I try not to hurt or harm others - physically, mentally or emotionally....intentionally. I try to help others if it’s within my means and capabilities. I try to treat others with fairness and empathy. I try to be respectful and considerate. I try (and I’m struggling) to be non-judgmental.

• AL says NotFake – Another two words combined as one. She could have just said 'real'. Anyways, I guess, what you see is what you get from me. I don’t pretend to be something or someone I am not. I don’t fool others into liking me. I don’t hide my weaknesses. I don’t hide my stupidity (probably from my bosses and clients only) and I don’t hide my wit and wisdom either. I don’t pretend that I’m happy neither do I pretend that I’m sad. I don't pretend to like if I dislike something or someone (tho' in some situations I had to and you'd know I was pretending!) Faking is a waste of time and energy. Hmm…that didn’t sound quite right, eh? Whatever!

• J says Partner – I try to be a friend that my friends can depend on to get our/their shit done. I try to be a good confidante. I try…opps… I make sure your secrets are safe with me. I do crazy things with you (only) if it doesn’t risk my life. I try to be your shoulder to cry on. I hold your hand when you're scared (tho' I might run away if I'm scared myself!) I try not to get bored when you talk cock. I try to make myself useful (whenever I’m not in a lazy mode). I try to be there for you whenever you need me.

• K says Selective – I admit I can be quite selective. I choose to do things only if it works in my favour. Selfish, one would say. Maybe. I only do things or go to places or see people if it is worth my time and effort AND within my means and capabilities. Is that wrong? I don’t simply do something just to please others.

• K also says Thoughtful – I am a strong believer of the golden rule - treat others as you want to be treated. Period.

• K and F say Sexy (in a way)/Sexxxy – I might be sexy (roll eyes now, please!) WHEN I was younger when the body was slimmer, the skin was tighter, the hair was thicker and the breastfriends were not pointing south (just for the record, they are still looking forward)! But I’ve grown sideways over the years and I don’t wear (too) revealing clothes (beachwear excluded) and I don’t speak in a soft/sexy/melodic female tone. Like beauty, sexy is in the eye of the beholder….I guess.

• N and AZ say Agrocentric/Cranky – Everyone has mood swings. Some may choose to show it, some may not. I’m the former. Which I think is not good, sometimes. Yes, I have PMS 24/7 so sue me! I get agitated easily. When I’m cranky, just shut up or leave me alone for awhile and I will be fine. If you don’t leave me alone, I will leave you….just to cool myself down. As simple as that. By the way, agrocentric is a word created by a fellow agrocentric friend, N. It simply means angry-centred (?).

• G and D say Garang/Firm – I get this a lot. Sometimes it makes me wonder….why?! Is it because I hardly smile and that makes me unapproachable? Is being firm, knowing what I want makes me garang? I thought I’m the sweetest soft spoken timid demure submissive kinda girl? No? Ok, move on. Nexxxttt!

• L says (Unshamedly) Frank – Yes, I can be brutally honest or straightforward but only with my family and good friends. Sometimes my frankness may hurt their feelings but it is never my intention to hurt. If it is wrong, I won’t say it is right. If it is ugly, I won’t say it is pretty. I won’t say it is brilliant if it is stupid. If I have nothing nice (or honest) to say, I just shut the eff up. But sometimes, I can’t resist blurting it out if I really can’t stand your foolishness. Bad, eh?

• PC says Loveable – Aawww! To refrain myself from blowing my own trumpet, I shall not elaborate on this description. Eheh!

• M says Crazy – If I see an old man walking on the street with a walking stick, I will approach him and kick his walking stick. No, I’m not that crazy and cruel. If you’re in the car with me, all of a sudden I would scream my lung out. Oh! Just for the fun of it. Is that crazy? Is being goofy and acting like a clown crazy? I don’t care as long as it cracks my friends up. Like the song….I’m not crazy I’m just a li’l insane. And when I’m insane, I’m the funniest person to be with. So I think.

• LG says Armadillo – Armadillo in Spanish means “little armored one”. It’s an ugly creature ‘tho. Is it because it’s ugly, LG? Haih! Or is it, hard on the outside and soft in the inside? Maybe. For those who may not know, “Armadillos have hard plates that cover their back, sides and top of their head. These hard plates protect them from attacks from other animals. All armadillos curl up to protect their soft underside. Armadillos can jump up to 3 feet straight up into the air to startle a predator. Also, when the armadillo jumps up he may hit his predator in the mouth with his hard armor and dislocate the predator's jaw.” I like this metaphor. No need to explain further.

So, if God decided to take my life earlier than He has originally planned it to happen, is this how my friends would remember me? Maybe.

I think, when I die I just want my family and close friends to remember me as a no-nonsense but funny person who had her heart in the right place. But I believe He wants me to live a little bit longer in this world, giving me chances to make amends and be a better person. InsyaAllah.

Have you ever wondered when you die how do you want to be remembered? I suggest you wonder now because you can’t wonder when you’re dead ‘cos you’re dead! Du-uh! Just for fun…go wonder!

I wonder…..if the grass is greener on the other side…

Standing on the grass on my married girlfriends' side of the fence, they would say they envy me because I’m single and I lead a carefree life. I can go wherever…travel the world (not that I travel that much), my money is my own (but I’m always broke, FYI), I don’t answer to no one (just my mum – sometimes), I don’t have to deal with mom-in-law from hell or deal with nosy extended family (thank God!), I have no curfew (hell yeah!), I can have my ME time whenever (but of course!), I don’t have to tolerate with another person’s bad habits, moodiness or nagging (phew!), I only have to wash and iron my own clothes (my sis would beg to differ ‘cos she washes my clothes!), I don’t have to fight over the remote (only with my nephews!), I can sleep all day if I want to (bliss!) and blah blah blah. The bottom line is to them I'm livin la vida loca! With no guilt, that is!

Standing on the grass on this side of the fence, I envy my married girlfriends because they have husbands and kids to come home to, never having to be alone, being with the men they love for the rest of their lives (err...God's willing), regular (if not better) sex, sharing expenses (or only the hub bears it!), having husbands to come to the rescue when their cars break down, buying the handbags/shoes they want without forking out their own savings (biatch!), husbands who listen (if only!) and give them a hug (if she's lucky!) when they have a lousy day at work, kids to take care of them when they are old and blah blah blah. Not many examples I could give there simply because I never (or haven't) stepped my foot on the grass that side. Du-uh! But to me, their life is complete! It may not be all perfect but it’s complete.

But, single or married, everyone has their personal problems/issues to deal with. Some may choose to vent their anger and frustration on Twitter or Facebook (nowadays!). Some may choose to bother the shit outta their close friends and share their problems. Some are living in fool’s paradise…going through life pretending that they are happy with the way their life is. And some are just content with the way things are. Lucky them!

Whatever it is no one is happy all the time. You’re abnormal if you are! We all know life has its ups and downs. There are good days, there are bad days. And things do not always happen the way we want it to be. We, humans, are never satisfied, aren’t we? Sometimes we like to blow things out of proportions. Sometimes we simply like to turn a nothing to become a something and then that something becomes an issue.

So when something becomes an issue…..we wonder. We wonder if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? Is it really greener? Ever come across this quote? “If grass is greener on the other side...you can bet the water bill is higher!”

Happy wondering, my dear friends!